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July 25, 2006

Sunday, July 16, 2006


hai ,every one.

i am rakesh from andhra pradesh.i have completed my +2this year.but i didnot get a seat in MBBS .

i want to share my fellings with u.

so i writing this for all of u.

actually iam a bright student untill my 10th standard.but after my 1oth i ahve joined ina residential college in other city.but i have 1 problem frm my childhood,i dont know whether it is a problem r not ,but iam fond of girls that but iam afraid of them ,i dont whether it is attrction r some thing else but i used to think of them everyday,then in the college i became more and i used to even think of my relatives aunties and some other people as if iam having sex with them many times and used to dream about them,then i ahve addicted to a bad habit of reading the incent stories in net and then after my mind s full of rubbish things as such that i couldnot even describe them now.

then by this i lost my concentration on studies ,as the sexual things became a regular thing to thnk about ,i cant even dont know the exam dates in my college,

by this thing u might think that iam a dirty bastard,but

these things used to be only inside my heart,i got struggled about it for so many days ,like this i also got addicted to see more movies,as such even 3-4 a day ,these movies are general movies and also the blue films,so then i got all these things in first year and got only 80%IN my first year ,but ihave decreased my marks about 12% ,as i got about92%in my 10th standard,so i left that college and came back to home and started studying here,the same things continued then after but any how anyhow i increased my marks to90%in the 2nd year.but the total % of my intermediate is 85%, but the thing which i had dreamt more than about sex ,the MBBS seat i didnot get,now iam knowing the value of time and my heart s beating more rapidly then as it will be usually, but now also iam getting diverted bcz of those sexual things,
what should i do,how could i avoid them
then one thing i want to tell all of u is taht i used to dream my aunts like that i am havng sex with them by seducing by the most ugly manner,as all f them are more than 20 years older than me

but everyone think iam most sincere and hard working and they beleive taht i had wasted my time these 2 years and will get the MBBS seat next year,

but these are the ugly things i get in my mind,what should do,

iam feeling so shamed to tell these things but iam telling really iam very good person ,but what happened i dont know frm past 3 years iam getting these type of thoughts,

how could i avoid them,now i am getting fear that with thse kind of thoughts i could never be a doctor.

i had a friend who got same marks as of me in 1othstandard and studied with me in same college in 1st year who is also a school friend got a doctor seat this year,but i didnot .

at last what iwant to tell u i s taht i wasted my time when it was in my hand,then

now i got my confidence in me and getting everythought negatively,even iam not confident about fulfilling my dream.

now what should i do to fulfill my dream and to become a good doctor in the society,

but every time iam lonely my consious says tahts u r thinking all such bad things and then how could u fulfill such a good cause.

plz the readers who read my story plz give me any sugestions and also give a comment on this about this,

and especially if any ladies read this plz give a comment ,

and then if any physchologist reads this plz tell me why a person like me who was very good and even without any bad thought could suddenly change like this and

how could i solve my problem and

what should i do to solve my problem and to becaome


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July 25, 2006

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